Quote: Jennie @ August 8 2013, 9:55 PM BSTThis is interesting - why do you say that?
Because of the way to describe things, and also the way that people have wanted your characters to go, it sounds like a book. You know your subject maybe you just don't know your market, none of us do.
I definitely over-describe things.
I think I am too pretentious to write a novel. It would be full of all kinds of drivel. A sitcom keeps me honest. But thank you 
Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ August 8 2013, 10:01 PM BSTBecause of the way to describe things, and also the way that people have wanted your characters to go, it sounds like a book. You know your subject maybe you just don't know your market, none of us do.
?????????
Quote: Marc P @ August 8 2013, 10:11 PM BST?????????
I think I may have overstepped my Marc, sorry butt, didn't mean to step on your toes.
Quote: sootyj @ August 8 2013, 7:12 PM BSTDoes that chatup line ever work?
I find "Can you please confirm if you're cuddly?" more effective.
Quote: enigmatic @ August 8 2013, 11:19 PM BSTI find "Can you please confirm if you're cuddly?" more effective.
Great chat up line for a forum, and in most virtual environments, can't fault it.
Quote: enigmatic @ August 8 2013, 11:19 PM BSTI find "Can you please confirm if you're cuddly?" more effective.
Pretty good
You're probably right there.
I genuinely mean this, don't keep writing this script forever, In my business everything has to be done by a date, no matter how much you wish you could have two or three more days to make changes when the due date is on you what you have is what you use, I would personally say you need to do this, (Mostly because what you already have is very good anyway and I may not be an expert but I love humour and I think I understand it) so if you think you need anther month to get this right set a date, if its another year, then fine but I challenge you today to decide an amount of time and set a "Use by Date" this will be the date you will send your script off to people! believe me I'm doing you a massive favor asking you to do this, everything needs targets, and your work needs its day in the sun!
Hope I've not overstepped the mark but I love your work and know this is important!
Quote: Jennie @ August 8 2013, 7:17 PM BSTHi Tony,
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my script and comment. As far as I am concerned, your view is just as relevant as anyone elses!
I have toned Beryl down a bit. She is now less outwardly sinister from the get go.
The issue of sexual tension between the characters is an interesting one. Having reflected on some earlier posts, I know I need to define their relationship better.
At the moment, they are just two people who hate each other - and that isn't particularly realistic or credible. In real life, we physically and emotionally distance ourselves from those we dislike. We do not constantly seek out conflict.
I cannot see Ellie, who is smart, being in love with Charles - he is such an unmitigated tosspot. However, she is capable of making rash decisions - like sleeping with someone when she first joined Chambers.
If that person happened to be Charles - well it would give him something else to torment her with. It would show that, at least at one stage, they were physically attracted to each other. And it would give further credence to their mutual loathing.
As enigmatic says, Charles' arrogance would naturally lead him to think that Ellie is madly in love with him.
Anyway, that's the way my thoughts are going at the moment. I might pop up a bit more, I need some help with my ending!
Like the mission statement of an escort company
It doesn't all have to be about sex but its a great place to start
Basil/Sybil, terry/June phoebe/Ross or Rachel/joey none of these are really sex related relationships
But just work out how they're related. If he's higher status due to his experience, but lower status due to his criminal conviction that's a great place to start
You obviously never read shnorbitzes heartbreaking autobiography
The Bernie winters of my discontent
Read your work. Think It has great potentiale. You have some great characters and story, so only a question of making the right adjustments. Good luck with it.
But what does the legal profession make of it?
It's a thumbs up from them
Quote: Jakob Jensen @ August 9 2013, 10:47 AM BSTRead your work. Think It has great potentiale. You have some great characters and story, so only a question of making the right adjustments. Good luck with it.
Thanks Jakob, much appreciated. 
Quote: Marc P @ August 9 2013, 10:51 AM BSTIt's a thumbs up from them
They can't be real, at least three of them are women? Probably photoshopped from a Hen Night do or Mums Net.
Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ August 9 2013, 12:47 PM BSTThey can't be real, at least three of them are women? Probably photoshopped from a Hen Night do or Mums Net.
Yeah - and they're probably all wearing suspenders.