Another shorter outing for Zorg. If you are going to be kind enough to read this I suggest you read my other posting 'Zorg' first.
Again I would be very grateful for any comments.
Regards
playfull
ZORG AGAIN
Another short play
PARK BENCH. A SMILING MAN IS SEATED WITH HIS ARMS STREATCHED OUT ACROSS THE BACK OF THE BENCH. ZORG APPROACHES.
ZORG: Is this seat taken?
THE MAN SMILES AND GESTURES FOR ZORG TO SIT, WHICH HE DOES.
ZORG: (PAUSE) I am Zorg, destroyer of galaxies and ruler of the nine planets!
MAN: I forgive you.
ZORG: I usually expect......What?
MAN: I forgive you.
ZORG: Why?
MAN: It's what I do, I forgive, so I forgive you.
ZORG: I was not asking for your forgiveness.
MAN: I know, and I forgive you for that as well.
ZORG: Look, I am the supreme being of chaos and destruction, I fear no one, and I do not require your or anyone else's forgiveness or permission for what I do.
MAN: No one's?
ZORG: No one!
MAN: Think carefully, isn't there someone even you have to answer to?
ZORG: (PEERING AT MAN) Zorgetta, is that you? Where is your second head?
MAN: No, Zorg, I'm not Zorgetta, don't you recognise me? Let me give you a clue, I am all knowing.
ZORG: You mean you are...
MAN: Yes...
ZORG: ...delusional.
MAN: (LAUGHS)I knew you were going to say that.
ZORG: No you didn't.
MAN: Yes I did.
ZORG: No, no you didn't.
MAN: Yes I did, really.
ZORG: How could you have? Who are you, mysterious stranger?
MAN: I am the Christ.
ZORG: You don't look like the Christ.
MAN: Actually I do, you see this is what I do look like.
ZORG: Like a smug git?
MAN: You are forgiven.
ZORG: Stop forgiving me! I just don't see the Christ turning up after two millennia wearing a 'Coke Cola' tee shirt.
MAN: I'm rethinking the whole issue of sponsorship. Like me, It's the real thing. Get it?
ZORG: Sponsorship?
MAN: Yes, I feel I may have missed a trick last time. The whole sandal thing didn't take off the way we hoped.
ZORG: Christmas and Easter not commercial enough for you?
MAN: It's all about getting the message out, letting the people know the good news.
ZORG: Is this the same 'good news' as last time? Born under questionable circumstances, live in poverty, perform a few conjuring tricks, come out with a few 'cryptic' messages, so the ignorant masses can say "ooo that's deep that is". Then get nailed to a cross by the Romans who didn't buy it all for one minute.
MAN: And by so doing start the world's most popular religion.
ZORG: I think you will find the Atheists and agnostics outnumber your lot.
MAN: Ah, but they are mine as well.
ZORG: What? How do you make that out?
MAN: The very act of questioning or denying my existence in fact proves my existence? An Atheist would not be an atheist if I did not exist; they would be a nihilist. And as for agnostics, well all Christians are agnostics deep down anyway.
ZORG: What about the Pope?
MAN: I'm sure he's a Christian.
ZORG: No, I mean if you are the Christ why hasn't he recognized you?
MAN: He has, I think he knows it is me but his people say he can't fit me in for a meeting at present, apparently he hasn't got a 'window'.
ZORG: Just a balcony?
MAN: I forgive him. Running the church keeps him very busy, it's turned into a much bigger operation than I originally envisaged. I am a bit of a victim of my own success you could say.
ZORG: Not quite panned out how you planned it then?
MAN: (Looks around) Just between me and you I didn't see the whole cross thing becoming so big.
ZORG: No?
MAN: No! I wanted the sandal.
ZORG: You wanted millions of people all over the world to worship giant sandals?
MAN: Well it makes more sense than two bits of wood. Might as well have been three nails or a vinegar soaked rag.
ZORG: (admonishingly) Tetchy!
MAN: I forgive them.
ZORG: So why have you come back now?
MAN: To save the world.
ZORG: Ah! From me? The Lord of ultimate desolation, the opener of the void, the remover of life and light.
MAN: No, from itself.
ZORG: There you go again, all enigmatic and cryptic. What does that mean? 'To save the world from itself'.
MAN: Your real name is Colin isn't it?
ZORG: What?
MAN: I mean, to save mankind from itself.
ZORG: How? How are you going to save mankind?
MAN: I've seen you at the soup kitchen Colin.
ZORG: (looking around) Stop calling me Colin! I am Zorg the dark lord...
MAN: I am the truth and the light, that is how I shall save mankind.
ZORG: You're doing it again! What does that actually mean?
MAN: My munificence passeth all understanding. Colin.
ZORG: Stop with the Colin stuff! You smug faced motherf...
MAN: Forgiven.
ZORG: Hang on, what were you doing at the soup kitchen?
MAN: What?
ZORG: Why would the immortal 'son of God' need to be getting free soup and crackers.
MAN: Aha! So you know the soup comes with crackers? It knew it was you there!
(BOTH MEN LOOK UNCOMFORTABLE AND LOOK AWAY FOR A MOMENT.)
ZORG: I think (beat) I shall spare this puny planet and it's worthless life forms until another day.
MAN: Good, good. And I think I will choose not reveal my glory at this moment. I'm not sure mankind is ready for my second coming quite just yet.
ZORG: Yes, there is always tomorrow.
MAN: 'There is always a tomorrow' if we let there be a tomorrow.
BOTH MEN NOD SAGELY
ZORG: Fancy some soup?
MAN: Tomato today isn't it?
ZORG: Yes.
BOTH MEN STAND AND LEAVE TOGETHER
MAN: Will you want your crackers?
ZORG: Yes.
MAN: Oh.
