Quote: Jaicee @ August 7 2013, 12:01 PM BSTDid you really want to re-write it or were you swayed by the opinions of others?Your own opinion is the most important one then after that if somebody offers you dosh to use it their opinion counts but not too much.The sketch was good as it is.Why gild the lily?
Idle intellectual curiosity.
But where does the opinion of the audience figure?
I liked this version much more.
I don't think you need to worry about big ideas or clever punchlines ot get out on, it's not a twist or concept sort of sketch, is it? It's a lttle character study, and I'd say it works: if it were an old woman, Morwenna Banks could have played it in the 90s.
I liked the way he shifted down the totals, that was nicely done.
Perhaps the sketch could end with him shoving the fiver under the chair cushion, where there's a bulging pile of grubby notes, rubbing his hands, picking up the phone and saying "Hello, window cleaners? Are you free for a job tomorrow?", or whatever.
Mr Mace acts all sweet to the gardener "Oh, you've done a lovely job" and then grabs his chest and fakes a heart attack. An ambulance arrives unusually quick and carts him into the back. The gardener watches on concerned, still holding the bill.
The ambulance then drives a few doors down and carts another person into it and drives away, leaving a window cleaner holding a bill.
Cut to inside the ambulance, with all the oldies laughing their heads off that they're getting away with it.
I kind of like the ending as it is. It's simple and closes it.
I liked the way he knocked him down from £15 to £5, I'd like to see more of Mr Mace, he sounds a right laugh. I enjoyed the sketch
Thanks, Carlos. I think he's got legs to feature in a few more sketches.
This was lovely, bounced along and no wastage there.
Loved the pile of wood line 'but that's the fence' 
Quote: Ben @ August 7 2013, 10:21 PM BSTI think he's got legs to feature in a few more sketches.
What do you think would make him recognisable in a different sketch, other than the same actor playing him?
Quote: Lee @ August 7 2013, 10:48 PM BSTWhat do you think would make him recognisable in a different sketch, other than the same actor playing him?
To me he sounded like a con artist, a dodgy f**ker but one of them loveable rogue types, he is the opposite of a cowboy builder, he is the cowboy codger.
Very funny dialogue. A strong punchline in the end would have made it really great. Nice.
Quote: Lee @ August 7 2013, 10:48 PM BSTWhat do you think would make him recognisable in a different sketch, other than the same actor playing him?
Same scenario, different tradesman. Maybe a TV licence man for variety. Add a catchphrase and write an "unexpected twist" episode where Mr Mace accidentally ends up paying what he was asked and you can drag it out to an entire sketch show series.