Fly Like An Eagle -Sit Com - Scenes 8 & 9

Final 2 scenes.Thanks for all the comments.But I think using terms like "comedy genius" and "Bafta award-winning masterpiece" is taking it too far . Youse guys!
On a serious note , though. Regardless of what any of you , shall we say , negative-minded people, think of this, someone, who has been producing/directing the BBC2 Saturday night comedy docs, was willing to offer money to option it.So, as Mel Brooks said when accused of bad taste-Up Yours!

 SCENE 8  INT  FLAE BUILDING GENTS TOILET SAME DAY
(2.30)
 
Stephen is standing at the urinal. Dave Jamieson enters.
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
Is this where the big nobs hang out then, eh ?
 
STEPHEN
 
Aye!
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
Alright Steve, me old mate?
 
STEPHEN
 
No' bad!
 
Dave walks up to the space beside Stephen.
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
Room for a littlun'?
 
Stephen sniffs.
 
STEPHEN
 
Oh!  That's Brut you're wearing. That's my very favourite aftershave.
 
Dave rests his head on Stephen's shoulder while Stephen's arm goes around his shoulder.
 
Fades

SCENE 9 INT  FLAE REHEARSAL ROOM SAME DAY(3.30)
 
The BBC people have all left. The students are chatting.
 
BERNARD
 
Do you know what I think?
 
ALL
 
Whit?
 
BERNARD
 
I think that Cheeky Chappie Cockney Comedian Dave Jamieson...
 
LESLEY
 
Wanker!
 
FRANNY
 
Pillock!
 
TONY
 
Knobhead!
 
MARY ANN
 
Bastard!
 
Guide dog farts.
 
STEPHEN
 
Nice guy!
 
All look at Stephen who is smiling smugly.
 
BERNARD
 
Is great!
 
STEPHEN
 
Mmmm!
 
Fades to End Titles.

Jaicee.

I can see you like to finish what you start. Coming from someone who is a serial non finisher this is a serious compliment. However -

Whilst there were elements in your Sit com that I liked (such as the dog who comments flatulently) I did feel it was more a personal attack on an old school shite comic than an attempt to establish the characters going forward. It felt like you were working something out of your system here. Can I suggest you put a picture of Jim Davidson on your dartboard to satisfy your vitriol, consign his old gags to the waste bin, and get on writing the character and dialogue you are obviously very capable of.

I assume you have some experience of disability as you often refer to it in your work. I would have liked to have seen this view point expanded upon more in the script, the regular characters are the people I should really be getting to know and care about, give me more of them.

In fact I think you could have got the same value from just talking about a proposed visit by the comic - maybe one that never actually happens.

Anyway keep writing and feel free to tell me to go f...

Quote: playfull @ August 7 2013, 9:55 AM BST

I assume you have some experience of disability as you often refer to it in your work. I would have liked to have seen this view point expanded upon more in the script, the regular characters are the people I should really be getting to know and care about, give me more of them.

View original

Bang on, Playfull. When the project was introduced as being about a disabled theatre troupe, I thought that was a brilliant idea. There's so much scope for different characters, and plotlines but I feel they've been passed by in order to attack Jim Davidson - which, God knows, is an admirable goal, but perhaps not the best way to write a sit com.

If I got a sense of the different characters in the troupe and they found themselves in inventive situations, I can imagine myself enjoying this, because you do have an ear for dialogue. Are you going to write another episode?

Why didn't you take the option?

Quote: Lazzard @ August 7 2013, 1:36 PM BST

Why didn't you take the option?

View original

Also a question I was wondering.

Quote: Lazzard @ August 7 2013, 1:36 PM BST

Why didn't you take the option?

View original

Me too...

I agree with the others, Jaicee. I want to know about these characters. Your Jim Davidson character should simply be a tool by which I get to know them better.

I hope you took that option.