Fly Like An Eagle - Sit Com - Scene 6

I've been getting a lot of requests here at the forum but despite that I'm going to keep posting this effing episode until it's all here.Only another 5 to go after that .Should get me to Christmas , at least .

SCENE 6 INT FLAE REHEARSAL ROOM  15 MINUTES LATER
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
Right me old mates and ...lovely ladies . Somebody call out any subject at all and I'll tell you a joke about it. Don't be shy now , any subject at all .
 
JOHN
 
Quantum mechanics!
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
There's these two queer mechanics. One says to the other "can you give me a  wrench..."
 
JOHN
 
Naw , naw ,naw . Hoi! I specifically said 'quantum mechanics". I asked for a joke about that. That's a joke about car mechanics. If I'd wanted a joke about car mechanics that's what I would have asked for.
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
OK ... er ... remind me what sort of mechanics the quantum ones are again. Do they only repair quantums? Ha ha ha! What am ... I like ?  What am...I like ?
 
JOHN
 
Quantum mechanics is a theory of physics that says that all phenomena in the universe follow non-standard laws called the quantum rules. As I'm sure you all know  the quantum rules radically affect the behavior of any physical system with few available states, such as atoms and elementary particles. That's your quantum mechanics for you . I'm paraphrasing , of course .
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
Oh right, that type. Somebody else got another topic.
 
TONY
 
Plate tectonics!
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
Oh me old plates of meat  , eh ?
They ain't half...
 
TONY
 
Naw , no' they  plates.
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
What sort of plates then ? Remind me.
 
TONY
 
Ken , plate tectonics is a theory supported by a wide range of evidence that considers the earth's crust and upper mantle to be composed of several large, thin, relatively rigid plates that move relative to one another. Slip on faults that define the plate boundaries commonly results in earthquakes. Several styles of faults bound the plates, including thrust faults along which plate material is subducted or consumed in the mantle, oceanic spreading ridges along which new crustal material is produced, and transform faults that accommodate horizontal slip. Or. if you will, strike slip, between adjoining plates. Or something like that , anyway .
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
Oh right great. Anybody else got a topic? Bernard , me old mate? Bing Bang Bong!
 
BERNARD
 
How about a song , Dave? Hear that there? I said How About A Song to Dave.
 
Thinks for a moment . Smiles .
 
Mothers in law ,  Dave!
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
Oh now you're talking old Bernie The Bolt.
How do you stop your mother in law from drowning?
 Take your foot off her head .
I say , take your foot of her head .
What am...I like ?
What am...I like?
 
Bernard laughs hysterically. Everyone else is poker faced.
 
Here ! I bought my mother in law a  new chair for Christmas,
 
ALL
 
But she wouldn't plug it in . Aw!
 
DAVE JAMIESON
 
My mother in law says to me, "I'll dance on your grave , I will . "  I said, to her, I say, I said to her  "I hope you do, my love. I hope you do . I'm being buried at sea. I'm being buried at sea .  " What am ...I like ? What am...I like ?  Oh , where do I get them from them?
 
Bernard laughs hysterically. Everyone else groans.
 
TONY
 
A joke book , maybe?
 
MARY ANN
 
What about some jokes about impotence? That always makes me laugh. Come on guys! I'm sure a few of you have tried to perform with the old Flacido Domingo or tried to serve up some boneless pork in your time, eh Dave? No hard feelings, John.
 
FADES

I like the "What am...I like" catchphrase, and the dynamic between the 2 reactions in the group is good. Trouble is I'm finding this script too episodic, it doesn't flow, even though I like elements. You've kind of hidden that by printing them separately, but I'm not sure they'd flow all at once.

That was pretty lively. I liked it.

This really breaks a big rule for sitcom in that your characters suddenly change.

The actors go from likeable ordinary people to brainiacs just to make a joke. I mean if there was a mention of them studying to catch Davie out or something but they just change.

And each scene is the same repeated over and over, no tension just the same joke.

Quote: sootyj @ August 4 2013, 8:48 PM BST

This really breaks a big rule for sitcom in that your characters suddenly change.

View original

That's what I was trying to say by calling it episodic, but Sooty's done it far better: each scene has its own internal logic, which is fine, but that logic seems to bend or break in order for the next one to start.

So, I'm enjoying individual gags and lines in each scene, but I think I'd find it frustrating if I were viewing it all consecutively.

For what it's worth sitcom is when you break it down one of the hardest genres to write.

It's a fusion of comedy and drama, the characters have to be strong enough that they can be repeated ad finitum. As does the setting.

It's comedy but you can't use jokes, it's drama that can't take it's self to seriously. You have to hold the interest even though nothing ever resolves or completes (once you do that it's dramedy).

So it's taken me about 4 years before any prodco would read beyond page one of my scripts. And much of that was down to the good fortune of finding a mentor.

So knock backs, negative feed back etc atleast means you're getting people interested enough to read your scripts.

That's a big step on the way.

Quote: sootyj @ August 5 2013, 12:26 PM BST

For what it's worth sitcom is when you break it down one of the hardest genres to write.

It's a fusion of comedy and drama, the characters have to be strong enough that they can be repeated ad finitum. As does the setting.

It's comedy but you can't use jokes, it's drama that can't take it's self to seriously. You have to hold the interest even though nothing ever resolves or completes (once you do that it's dramedy).

View original

Very well put, Sooty.

And Jaicee, you clearly have talent. But I agree with the others, it feels like a series of sketches rather than a coherent story.