Neanderthal Job Interview

Sunshine's effort reminded me of this skit comp fail (Steve's is better.)

INT. CAVE

THE INTERVIEWER IS SQUATTING, PICKING LICE OUT OF HIS PUBES AND EATING THEM. UG ENTERS.

INTERVIEWER
Ah Mr...

UG
Ug.

INTERVIEWER
Do please squat on your haunches. Mouth dry? If you would like a drink of water there is a stream half a day's walk away.

UG
Ug alright, just butterflies in stomach. Butterflies not so filling.

INTERVIEWER
So Mr Ug what makes you think you are cut out for the hunting and gathering industry?

UG
Ug's family all mammoth hunters.

INTERVIEWER
Ah, and how is the mammoth business?

UG
Dropped right off. Ug family drove mammoths off edge of cliff. Now no more mammoths.

INTERVIEWER
Yes, the whole extinction of megafauna has been rather boom and bust. These days the hunting and gathering industry is moving to a more sustainable model.

UG
Ug see, Ug kill, Ug eat.

INTERVIEWER
Yes about that. The role we have you in mind for requires that whatever you hunt and gather is given to us. Then maybe we give you a bit back.

UG
Ug not come down from trees yesterday.

INTERVIEWER
It's a new economic concept. We're calling it do-all-our-work-for-us-or-go-hungryism. You see this land now belongs to us.

UG
Ug see signs.

INTERVIEWER
Our corporate logo. A flayed body lashed to an ant hill.

UG
Gets message across. Ug hunt now.

INTERVIEWER
Actually the emphasis of this particular post is very much on gathering.

UG
Gathering women's work.

INTERVIEWER
If you don't mind me saying that is a rather Neanderthal attitude.

UG
Duh.

INTERVIEWER
Fair point. So where do you see yourself in a year's time?

UG
Stealing your women and feasting on your liver.

INTERVIEWER
Ambition, I like that. But first as part of our rigorous selection progress we will need to assess you against the other candidates.

UG
Them outside? Ug be right back.

UG EXITS. ROARS AND SCREAMS OUTSIDE. UG RE-ENTERS, TRIUMPHANT, A SEVERED HEAD IN EACH HAND. THEN HE COLLAPSES TO HIS KNESS A SPEAR PROTRUDING FROM HIS BACK. A TALL HANDSOME HOMO SAPIENS FOLLOWS HIM IN.

UG
Bloody fast trackers get all the breaks.

UG KEELS OVER. THE INTERVIEWER SHAKES THE HOMO SAPIENS HAND.

END.

You're being too modest.This is good too.

That is so nice and tight. And funny too.

Good stuff

Very clever punch a chin rubber in a good way.

Tidy

Tidy

Cheers chaps.

This is excellent and brilliantly written. There are too many ideas going on though and I would lose all the nascent capitalism stuff.

Lines like:

Ug not come down from trees yesterday.

and

UG
Gathering women's work.

INTERVIEWER
If you don't mind me saying that is a rather Neanderthal attitude.

are cast iron and would work with any audience. I think it would be funnier if we heard Ug killing the other candidates but he didn't bring in severed heads.

Also I wonder if you could actually convey the Homo Sapiens/fast tracking joke. Visually it might just look like he was killed by a member of staff dressed as a caveman. The 'tension' between Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens is not exactly something in the popular consciousness that you can draw on.

Yes, this is very good, Tursiops. Plenty of good lines. The only one that I thought you could dispense with was the one about the corporate logo.

Cheers both.

I agree that the sketch is a bit cluttered and that there is a potential issue with the punchline.

Quote: Tursiops @ August 4 2013, 12:36 PM BST

Cheers both.

I agree that the sketch is a bit cluttered and that there is a potential issue with the punchline.

View original

I love the punchline . I like it all, but I think "Neaderthal attitude" thumps the joke home too thoroughly. The corporate logo is perhaps superfluous, as had been noted, but there's loads of really good material here.