Two cruise ship entertainers are fighting for breath in a tiny corner of a capsized and sinking ship. The water level is rapidly rising.
ENTERTAINER1
I never thought I'd end up like this.
ENTERTAINER2
What, trapped in a sinking ship?
ENTERTAINER1
No, playing to a crowd of 1.
ENTERTAINER2
Haha. That's good. Can I use that one?
ENTERTAINER1
Feel free.
Sound of bubbles.
Fades
This feels a little too contracted for my tastes
As Sooty says, it's a bit too short and not a very strong punchline. It would work better, perhaps, as a one panel cartoon.
Good.
I liked that - but I think it only works as a stinger script here, I don't think I'd like it if yuou went to the effort of filiming it.
That's the owrst priase you can get, isn't it? I like it, but never use it. 
i though that was funny, short and simple
i think it might work better if entertainer 2 doesn't laugh, and more seriously asks to use it - that might hit home the joke more
i could imagine it as a 'cut away' sketch/ gag thing in family guy - I think because I visualised it like that it made me laugh
Quote: Stylee TingTing @ August 5 2013, 8:13 PM BSTExcellent. I'd slightly alter the penultimate line, but that's just me. This would be right up The Pink Mist short play comp's street. Please tell me you entered it before the deadline.
No, I didn't know about it. Missed it by 4 days. Then again, I only wrote this yesterday while I was having breakfast, so it was never going to happen.
Thanks for the thumbs up 