Sinister parents advert sketches

Two short sketches that I'm intending as an intro and end scene for a yet to be completed pilot sketch show to be sandwiched in between. Hope you enjoy.

SKETCH #1

INT. KITCHEN

A FATHER sits at a kitchen table with his 5 year old DAUGHTER. Two bowls of cereal sit on the table.

The father smiles lovingly at his daughter as he pours milk into the two cereal bowls.

FATHER: Can you hear it?

The daughter tilts her head over her cereal bowl.

DAUGHTER: Hear what, Daddy?

FATHER: Shhh! Listen carefully.

Father and daughter tilt their heads close to the bowls of cereal. The daughter looks up to her father in amazement.

DAUGHTER: What is it, Daddy?

FATHER: That's the snap, crackle and pop.

The daughter continues listening to the sounds of cereal.

The father smiles lovingly, but his expression changes to evil sinister.

The father puts a hand to the back of his daughter's head and begins to hold his daughter's face down in bowl of cereal.

WIFE/ MOTHER enters the kitchen, she stops on the spot looking alarmed.

The father looks up worried, caught out.

SKETCH #2

INT. KITCHEN

A MOTHER and her 5 year old DAUGHTER at the kitchen sink. The daughter stands on a chair to be level with sink, while mother washes dishes.

DAUGHTER: Why are there so many bubbles, Mummy?

MOTHER: That's because Mummy uses Flaky Liquid.

A bottle of Flaky Liquid sitting beside the sink.

DAUGHTER: Is that where the bubbles come from?

MOTHER: Yes.

The mother blows bubbles from her hand on to her daughter who laughs.

MOTHER: It helps keep the dishes clean and keeps Mummy's hands nice and soft.

The daughter puts her hands into the foamy, bubbly froth.

The mother smiles lovingly, but her expression changes to evil sinister.

The mother puts a hand to the back of her daughter's head and begins to hold her daughter's face down in the sink.

HUSBAND/FATHER enters the kitchen, he stops on the spot looking alarmed.

The mother looks round worried, caught out.

Erm...I'm not really sure I get the joke, to be honest. Why is it funny that the parents are trying to drown a five year old?

Also, from a legal point of view, you won't be able to use the Persil/Nestlé references if the show was ever made. Particularly when considering the way you end the sketch.

But I may just be missing something,

As it stands I thinks it's in very dodgy territory. But if the daughter were to ram her father's face into the cereal bowl and attempt to drown her mother in the washing up bowl, then it might work.

When the other parent walks in their punchline could be something like "Ah bless, she's growing up so quickly."

Hi Jennie. I was thinking of alternative fluffy commercials that you definitely won't see on TV, funny enough, with parents who are really on the edge and can't cope with parenthood. Hence the sinister turn of events in the sketches. I completely understand why you might not get it, but I kind of like the dark element to it.

Quote: Wee Hamish @ August 1 2013, 5:34 PM BST

Hi Jennie. I was thinking of alternative fluffy commercials that you definitely won't see on TV, funny enough, with parents who are really on the edge and can't cope with parenthood. Hence the sinister turn of events in the sketches. I completely understand why you might not get it, but I kind of like the dark element to it.

View original

I got the basic premise - that family life is never as rosy as adverts pretend - and I like it.

But think about your visuals here. You have a parent taking their very young child's head and holding it down into a bowl of soapy water.

Whilst once upon a time that might have been completely unbelievable, it sadly now isn't. (Thinking of that dreadful news story about the little boy in Birmingham). I'm not saying you were thinking along those lines - but your audience will be. I like dark stuff, but for me, that is the wrong side of dark.

Also - it doesn't really make sense for the parents to be that frustrated here. The kid isn't really being that annoying.

I think Stonked's suggestion is a good one - turn it around, so the child is on top.

Or have the parents express their frustration in a funny, but slightly more child friendly way.

Anyway, just my thoughts. Good luck with it

Hi Hamish,

Sorry, I like dark and twisted but I just don't see the funny here at all. You have two straight descriptions of child abuse. I really think you need to rework these into something else - possibly along the lines of the previous suggestions.

regards

playfull

Yes I got to agree it is to dark, maybe have the dad tip the bottle of milk over the daughters head, and then pour the rest of the cereal over her head.

And the mother can squirt her in the eye with the washing up liquid

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ August 1 2013, 6:44 PM BST

Yes I got to agree it is to dark, maybe have the dad tip the bottle of milk over the daughters head, and then pour the rest of the cereal over her head.

And the mother can squirt her in the eye with the washing up liquid

View original

Spot on. Totally inoffensive. An altogether more sensitive approach.

You're damn right Jennie, I wasn't thinking about that recent case in Birmingham or any other cases of violent acts on children by adults.

Oh Lord please don't let me be misunderstood.

OK, I dispensed with an opener to each sketch where the child is in the kitchen being annoying because I was keeping to 30 sec advert time. I'm not sure this will change your's or anyone else's opinion about my sketches being a bit risky, but it might help clarify where I was coming from.

So child in kitchen being annoying, Dad in his sketch working at table on his laptop getting more annoyed with child, Mum equally in her sketch getting annoyed with child. Enter these well known advert scenarios as a way of getting child to stop being annoying. None of this I included as I went straight into the advert set up but I now see it as being crucial to what I was trying to do with the sketch.

If the child being annoying is Act 1, the advert part was Act 2, but the adverts themselves provide, sounds terrible to say but, a means of dispatch, meaning the cereal bowl and the sink. It was just an observation about these adverts that resolve the Act 1 annoying child.

I was sort of taking a phrase like, "I could throttle him/her", that a parent might think and cranking it up, well quite a bit more with these sketches with the help of the adverts.

I was intending these sketches to be a nod to parents frustration, rather than them being seen as just dark or sick for the sake of it.

Yes, you definitely need that first bit to make the sketch work.

So in essence, it's:

1. Child being annoying.

2. Parent responding in a frustrated way (i.e. normal parenting)

3. Child (or parent) decide to use advert method (listening to cereal, touching soft hands)

4. Child and parent appear to bond for a moment.

5. Sketch is turned in a different direction.

I think the problem with "I could throttle him/her" is this. Sketches are about taking something to an extreme, or putting two different ideas together in a way that is funny. It is the element of absurdity that brings the humour.

With this one, we already have that association. Parents do think "I could throttle him/her" and some parents lose control and act violently towards their children. It isn't absurd, it is desperately tragic.

It would work better if you could make the resolution to your sketch truly absurd (like parents serve their children with a restraining order or something).

Not sure if that makes sense. Just my thoughts.

I might be wrong deep down, but I thought it was funny. You could make it a crazy situation rather than cold-blooded infanticide by haveing ther father turn to his own bowl after drownign the girl and shouting, "I've done it!! Now will you finally be silent, you terrible chattering devils?". Little bit Jam, perhaps.

Can't see the point in the second sketch, though, it's exactly the same joke, there's no devleopment or anything. Just because Watson & Oliver get away with it, doesn't mean you shouldn't aim higher.

Quote: gappy @ August 1 2013, 7:44 PM BST

"I've done it!! Now will you finally be silent, you terrible chattering devils?".

View original

This made me laugh.

If you boil these sketches down to their bare bones, you're left with: 'parent murders their child for no particular reason'. And that's not very funny.

You're right Jennie, I should have included the set up first rather than go straight into the advert scene. I can totally see why you and others would think the sketches beyond the pale. I wasn't sure about posting it initially but I thought the essential meaning of parent frustration would come across.

Hi Gappy, I'm not sure you can aim any higher than Watson & Oliver.

Anyway, back to the drawing board, must do better.

Maybe even the father saying, "I'm not your real father, you were dumped in a church when you were a baby"

And then the mother saying something like "If I had my way we would never have adopted you"

Not exactly that but around about