Twitter abuse

EXTERNAL - NIGHT 2 POLICE OFFICERS ARE KNOCKING ON A DOOR

THE DOOR IS ANSWERED BY DAVE

Dave: yes officers can I help you?

Policeman 1: Are you David Byron Heath?

Dave: Yes that's me

Policeman 1: Is your twitter username Daveydozer

Dave: That's right is there a problem?

Policeman 1: We have received a complaint against you, for posting offensive and racial comments on the social networking site Twitter.

Dave: What comments did I make on twitter and to who?

Policeman 1: They were made to a senior member of parliament Christine Hughes, she has logged a complaint against you.

Dave: Oh yes I replied to one of her tweets it wasn't offensive, I was concerned about the town centre.

Policeman 1: Yes we have seen the tweet it reads as follows:

I am not concerned about the parking charges that you have introduced in the town centre that's fine but my problem is the number of blacks

Dave: Ah bloody twitter and 140 characters, I meant to say blacksmiths

END

Ooh and it really is 140 characters as well, nicely done.

Quote: zooo @ July 30 2013, 7:03 PM BST

Ooh and it really is 140 characters as well, nicely done.

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Thank you zooo, I took it into twitter to write it out in the little box to make sure

That's good. I checked it in tweetdeck.

Thats quite neat and a really good idea for future jokes.

Good one Carlos

Thanks, and yes sooty I can see more play in this for future, one angle could be, make the most absurd/offensive/crazy tweet by cutting the end of a word when making a tweet using 140 characters, there we are (as we say in wales) You gave me a challenge and I stepped up, now it's my turn to challenge you, have a go of it, make a tweet that is either funny/offensive or just crazy by cutting the end of a word off.

I'm trying to writing a f**king wedding speech, but I'm completely paralysed by trying to thing of a joke.

Where some one says "I didn't mean rape, I meant......"

bastard you broke my brain, I'm suing.

Sorry for distracting you, get back to work.

Maybe: "I didn't mean rape, I meant rough sex with your hands tied behind your back and a gun pointed at your head"

Bravo Carlos simple and funny, and that's hard to do.

Thank you Teddy, I am trying my best to improve and simple and funny is the way to go.

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ July 30 2013, 8:03 PM BST

"I didn't mean rape, I meant rough sex with your hands tied behind your back and a gun pointed at your head"

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Does that chatup line ever work?

It might work in a courtroom as a defence, but maybe not in a nightclub

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ July 31 2013, 11:54 AM BST

It might work in a courtroom as a defence

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Nope. Tried similar (when defending) and found it is generally not successful. The presence of a weapon does rather negate consent.

I like the original joke. If you thought of a few more, it could be a really great sketch, rather than a single joke.

Quote: Jennie @ July 31 2013, 12:22 PM BST

Nope. Tried similar (when defending) and found it is generally not successful. The presence of a weapon does rather negate consent.

I like the original joke. If you thought of a few more, it could be a really great sketch, rather than a single joke.

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Ah yes the weapon, a huge whopping technicality there, and thanks I am working on a few more or trying to