Hands Sketch

Int. Unknown location

Close up shot of a man’s face.

Man: Hands.

Close up shot of the man’s hands.

Man: HANDS!

Camera shot changes to show the man from the waist up. He is wearing a karate outfit and performing karate moves. He holds his hands up.

Man: These hands are deadly weapons.

Cut To: Stock photo of a crashed car.

Man: (V.O) This car was stopped by my hands.

Cut To: Stock photo of a human skeleton.

Man: (V.O) This man was ANNIHILATED by my hands!

Cut To: Int. Kitchen

The man is stood at a table. There is a thick piece of wood lying across two bricks on the table.

Man: And now, for your viewing pleasure, I shall chop this in half. Looks normal, doesn’t it? But it’s not. This is 500 year old Canadian Maple wood. The hardest wood known to man.

The man composes himself, screams and then karate chops the wood in half. He looks into the camera.

Man: Easy, if you know how and I...

The man starts holding his hand and whining.

Man: A splinter! Oh God a splinter! It stings! Owwww! It REALLY stings.

The man starts to cry and looks intently at his thumb.

ENDS.

It's good, the word anibilated is fantastic.

Just shorten the line about maple wood it screws the pacing.

Quote: sootyj @ February 13, 2008, 11:56 PM

It's good, the word anibilated is fantastic.

Just shorten the line about maple wood it screws the pacing.

View original

Does it?

I thought it was good. I'd drop the "hands - HANDS!" business at the start personally. Nice.

Quote: James Williams @ February 14, 2008, 12:29 AM

Does it?

I thought it was good. I'd drop the "hands - HANDS!" business at the start personally. Nice.

View original

What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?

The hands part was the best bit! I wanted to see more things he'd 'annihilated' with them though. A house maybe. Or a jumbo jet. Or 'your mum'. That I would have liked.

The problem I thought was the ending, which felt woefully uninspired.

Here's the redraft of the redraft.

Int. Unknown location

Close up shot of a man’s face.

Man: Hands.

Close up shot of the man’s hands.

Man: HANDS!

Camera shot changes to show the man from the waist up. He is wearing a karate outfit and performing karate moves. He holds his hands up.

Man: These hands are deadly weapons.

Cut To: Stock photo of a crashed car.

Man: (V.O) This car was stopped by my hands.

Cut To: Stock photo of a woman in the throes of ecstasy

Man: (V.O) Your mum was taken to bed by my hands.

Cut To: Stock photo of a financial graph showing a market crash.

Man: (V.O) The stock market melted thanks to my hands.

Cut To: Stock photo of a human skeleton.

Man: (V.O) This man was ANNIHILATED by my hands!

Cut To: The man, shown from the waist up.

Man: So, unless you enjoy the sensation of internal haemorrhaging, beware the hands.

The buzzing sound of a fly fills the room. The man starts looking around. The buzzing noise stops. The man looks at his arm.

Man: Hello Mr Fly!

The man karate chops at his arm.

Cut To: Stock video of huge explosion / mushroom cloud.

Ends

A fly lands on his shoulder he chops it and explodes.

He gets a splinter, and screams my arch enemy tetanus.

I really liked that re edit, especially the stock market crash. I would like to see him katate chop himself and explode at the end.

I think the twist at the end is a goof idea, it works.

He chops himself.
He he chops a cow, and it turns into a branch of mcdonalds
He chops a pea, in a darkened room and it turns into the creation of the universe.

I liked Sooty's fly idea and incorporated it into the redraft.

To make it a bit more surreal.....

Int. Unknown location

Close up shot of a man’s face.

Man: Hands.

Close up shot of the hands.

Man: HANDS!

Camera shot changes to show the man from the waist up. He is wearing a karate outfit and performing karate moves.

Returns to close up shot of the hands.

Man: These hands are deadly weapons.

Cut To: Stock photo of a crashed car.

Man: (V.O) This car was stopped by these hands.

Cut To: Stock photo of a woman in the throes of ecstasy

Man: (V.O) Your mum was taken to bed by these hands.

Cut To: Stock photo of a financial graph showing a market crash.

Man: The stock market melted thanks to these hands.

Cut To: Stock photo of a human skeleton.

Man: (V.O) This man was ANNIHILATED by these hands!

Cut To: Close up of man's face.

Man: So I am faced with just one problem

Camera pulls back to show man with hack saw and the remains of a body

Man: These are not my hands.

Ends

That's a good ending too, Mr 2K.

I'm going to keep the self induced explosion though, it matches the sillyness of the rest of the piece.

OK, I like the "hands" bit at the start now I've thought about it. It is stupid and funny. And I think the redraft is way better too. I think it's a really funny sketch now.

I had a teacher who was always banging on about how his hands were deadly weapons.

How about:

Stock picture of Columbo
"I killed Columbo with these hands"

???
Well, I just think Columbo is inherently amusing. Dishevelled detective that he is.

This is a foobulous sketch.
Loved it Winterlight.
Well done you!