Rattle Of A Simple Man

Manchester mill worker Percy is not new to London, visiting to see his beloved United play whenever they have a fixture in the capital. This cup final weekend, however, the 30-something virgin's eyes are opened to a whole new world and lifestyle, up close and personal.

In their usual post-match routine before catching the midnight coach back north, Percy and his friends are enjoying a drink and - in his case - a somewhat blushing ogle of the girls in a Soho strip club when they notice a particularly attractive blonde sat alone at the bar.

The over-confident Ginger makes a move initially, but is given short shrift and sent back to their table with his tail firmly between his legs. Naïve, sweet and with increasingly outdated ideas in London society about how a man should behave towards a lady, Percy is dismayed at his chum's attitude - and is bet £50 or his beloved motorcycle that he can't have more success, even losing his virginity.

The blonde, Cyrenne, however, is a prostitute and well used to all of the egos and brash behaviour Soho has to offer, so when the timid, polite Percy approaches, almost shaking with nerves at merely talking to her, she takes an immediate shine to his innocence and invites him back to her flat.

As the duo depart, Percy's friends look on almost unbelieving - but he will quickly find that there is a lot more to life and the powers of attraction than his slightly sheltered, romantically archaic upbringing has thus far led him to believe. Not everyone is as honest as Percy, and Swinging London still has a whole world of lifestyles he hasn't even dreamed of. As he and Cyrenne begin to talk, a number of skeletons and frank admissions begin to tumble from each of their closets.