Top 10 Christmas cracker jokes 2019

TV channel Gold has released the results of its annual competition to find the best new topical Christmas cracker jokes.

This year's top 10 are:

1. Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? He doesn't get on with china.

2. Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.

3. Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.

4. Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.

5. What is Coleen Rooney's favourite game to play over the festive period? Guess Who.

6. Why doesn't Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa? Because he struggles in the poles.

7. Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas? Because she's a swede dish campaigner.

8. What's the difference between Rudolph's nose and David Cameron's autobiography? Only one will be red at Christmas.

9. What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island? A melt.

10. What is Olivia Colman's favourite part of a turkey? The Crown.

This is the seventh year of the competition. The jokes were submitted by the public via Twitter, with a panel of 2000 people then picking the best. The author of the winning joke, Matt King, a secondary school teacher from Wokingham, received £1,500 towards a holiday and a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers, one of which will contain his own top gag.

Bruce Dessau, who led the judging panel, says, "Amongst the political turmoil that seems to have swamped our country this year, we can always rely on British humour to pull us through. With subjects ranging from Brexit and Love Island, to Greta Thunberg and Coleen Rooney, there are jokes here to tickle even the biggest of scrooges."

Gerald Casey, Gold's channel director, comments: "The festive period is a time for reflection on the year, and although we've certainly had our ups and downs, it's incredible to see that British wit remains as sharp as ever."

10 more gags

Here are some more jokes from the competition...

What do The Sound of Music at Christmas and Nigel Farage have in common? Only a small cult following want to see it, but it just keeps coming back repeating itself.

What is a Brexiteer's favourite festive movie? The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Why couldn't Rebekah Vardy join Colleen Rooney's social media Nativity? Because there was no room at the Innstagram.

How does Santa import toys into Ireland? Through the Irish Sack-stop.

How can you tell if you are at a Brexit party this Christmas? Because everyone wants to leave.

Why have Brussels sprouts been banned from London this Christmas? There's a new ultra low emissions zone.

How can you make sure the right person comes down your chimney this Christmas? Get Coleen Rooney to block everyone else apart from Santa.

What do vegetarian EU supporters want for Christmas? Lettuce romaine.

What movie do the Three Wise Men watch on Christmas Day? A Star is Born.

Why should you never stay for Christmas with Remainers? They get angry when you want to leave.