Top 20 Christmas cracker jokes 2021

TV channel Gold has revealed the results of its competition to find the funniest new topical Christmas cracker jokes:

1. Why are people cutting back on Brussels sprouts this Christmas? The cost of gas is too high.

2. Why is Christmas dinner vegan this year? Because Turkey is on the red list, but vegetables are all green.

3. Why won't Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson see each other this Christmas? They all want space.

4. What's Piers Morgan's favourite Christmas song? Walking Off On Air.

5. Which relative will not be at Chris Whitty's Christmas dinner? Aunty Vaxxer.

6. Which vaccine did Father Christmas get? Mince Pfizer.

7. Why did Rudolph's nose have to self-isolate? It failed the lateral glow test.

8. Why didn't Santa replace Comet and Cupid when they left to become HGV drivers? It was just 2 deer.

9. How do you know the heating bill for December is too high? Dad won't even let you open the windows on your advent calendar. 

10. Why can Netflix afford calamari at Christmas? They're Squids in.

11. Why does Christmas scrabble take so long with Boris Johnson? He's keeps going back on his word.

12. Why are we only having broccoli, cabbage and peas as veg this Christmas? Because 52% of the family said no to Brussels.

13. Why did Matt Hancock have to buy his aide really expensive Christmas presents? She had him up against a wall.

14. Why does Emma Raducanu get to carry the crystal glasses at Christmas dinner? They know she's unlikely to drop a set.

15. Which vaccine did the Three Wise Men have? The Wiser Jab.

16. Which Friends character nearly missed the 2021 Reunion Show due to the Test and Trace app? Chandler Ping.

17. Why will Keir Starmer be sad on Christmas morning? He'll still have no presence.

18. Why does Jackie Weaver control the weather at Christmas? She has snow authority.

19. What pantomime are the government doing this year? Chris Whittington.

20. What is Coleen Rooney's favourite Christmas game? Guess Who.

Now in its ninth year, the Gold competition involves people tweeting original jokes to enter them into the contest. Entries are then shortlisted by a panel of judges - led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau - and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults.

The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of Christmas crackers, presented to this year's winners. The author of the first placed joke - Craig Rogers from Manchester - also received £1,500 towards a holiday, and a festive hamper.

Bruce Dessau says: "The British public's fantastic sense of humour never ceases to amaze me! With subjects spanning from Matt Hancock to Squid Game, Covid to Track and Trace, Jackie Weaver to Emma Raducanu's smashing wins, there is something to get everyone giggling this year."

Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, adds: "It is heartening that every Christmas, the British public can reflect on this year in a humorous way. We hope that, alongside Gold's comedy Christmas programming, our modern Christmas cracker jokes add a little laughter for everyone at the end of the year."