Top 10 Christmas cracker jokes 2024
TV channel U&Gold have revealed the results of their annual competition to find the top ten funniest festive Christmas cracker jokes.
What gifts will Sir Keir get this Christmas? None, he's had enough!
Why are pensioners bulk buying Brussels sprouts this Christmas? It's the only way they'll keep the gas flowing this year.
Why is Rachel Reeves in the Nativity this year? She's collecting inn-heritance tax.
Why is Santa worried about being stalked? He's surrounded by baby reindeer.
Who's Santas favourite member of Oasis? Noel.
Why does Father Christmas find going down chimneys easier this year? He's on Ho Ho hozempic.
Why aren't there more jokes about receiving Oasis tickets for Christmas? Most people won't get them.
What do you call a Belgian reselling tickets at inflated prices? - a Brussels tout.
What's the Thames Water advent calendar like? It's full of number 2s.
Why did Gareth Southgate get into difficulty with the Christmas Club money? He was always late with his subs.
Now in its twelfth year, the competition challenged the British public to tweet original festive gags to enter the competition. Entries were shortlisted by a panel of judgesand put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults to reveal the winning jokes. The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of Gold's Christmas crackers, which will be presented to this year's winners.
The author of the winning joke, Carlsen Stanton from Birmingham, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U&Gold Christmas Crackers.
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the U&Gold judging panel, says: "Another brilliant list of festive funnies from the public - a true testament to British wit! After an eventful 2024, I'm glad to see the nation's humour bringing a bit of light to some of the year's headlines! Big congratulations to all the winners, and well done to everyone who entered and put a smile on our faces for a twelfth year."
Gerald Casey from UKTV comments: "Congratulations to our 2024 winners! We're blown away year after year by the hilarious entries we receive and we love seeing the British public get involved to share the laughs. We hope to spread even more Christmas cheer with our festive U&Gold Christmas programming, including much-loved episodes from the likes of The Royle Family and Only Fools And Horses."
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