Infinite Possibilities Part 1 - Keith Farnan has Avengers: Infinity War all figured out

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Wednesday 4th April 2018

Here in the murky Rogue Pun corner of British Comedy Guide HQ we'd heard rumours of Keith Farnan's mega-franchise theorising. The fine Irish comic kicks off a new political night, The Irish Party Party on April 19th - details below - then a week later he'll be ruminating on a more believable cast of heroes and villains. Yes, on April 26th, the eagerly-awaited Avengers: Infinity War hits theatres.

Part one of a double-header, it's the movie that could apparently end the Marvel Cinematic Universe as we know it, with numerous beloved characters potentially popping their clogs (well, if you're gonna wear clogs to fight supervillains, what do you expect?) Or perhaps they won't. So in proper Infinity War fashion this prediction special is a two-parter, too.

In the second instalment a bunch of previous Rogue Pun correspondents offer up their wild estimates. But now, here are Farnan's questions and answers, and a warning: there are umpteen spoilers below regarding previous MCU movies. Although if you haven't seen those MCU movies, this may not make much sense anyway. Over to you, Keith...

The Big Questions

Infinity War's directors, the Russo Brothers, must really like Sudoku. Even the poster looks like a logic puzzle where characters need to be arranged in terms of importance without upsetting the balance of other characters/team-ups (anyone seen Hawkeye btw? Nah!)

You could trawl through the original Infinity Gauntlet comic for clues as to what's about to happen, but there's a pretty major character missing from that set up. So instead, it might be worth looking back at the Russos' previous Marvel movie, Civil War, as to what might be about to happen.

Everyone's asking who's going to die. This isn't The Walking Dead, so there's not going to be a massive bloodbath. There's also a massive MCU plan going on, but the Russo brothers showed they have the knack for balancing all the spinning plates while they're on fire.

The Big Clues

So let's take a look at Civil War. The introduction of Tony's parents' death and how it affected him happens early on in the film, and we have no idea how important this scene is until the end when it's revealed who killed them. This is too good a trick to not use it again.

We know the film ends up in Wakanda. We know Bucky Barnes - who killed them - is there. We know Steve American Nomad Rogers makes it to that part of the film. So who do we lose? It's got to be Tony right? Maybe as a sacrifice to save Bucky, thus giving Steve all the motivation he needs to - as the trailer teased - take a punch from Thanos.

The Big Twist

However, there's also their love of the red herring. Again in Civil War, Baron Zemo's phone messages from his seemingly alive wife set up an emotional motivation that's rarely seen in this scale of a film. It's a small detail but important nonetheless. There was no super-team of villains at the end, just a grieving father and husband with a plan.

So how do you do that with Thanos? How do you make him sympathetic when he wants to wipe out half of humanity with a click of his fingers? Something's got to be up with his relationship with [Guardians of the Galaxy siblings] Gamora and Nebula right? I'm asking more questions than I'm trying to answer at this stage so let's just crack on with the prediction...

Farnan's Theorum: The Early Stages

So here goes. I could just write down all the character's names and this article would be over, but let's assume they all get at least one great moment. Infinity War probably opens up with a pretty small scene, Peter Parker mulling over some yoghurt when a massive earth-destroying thing appears in the sky.

New York's been the scene of a massive attack before so maybe let's get this out of the way early. It gets Dr Strange/Wong/Parker/Stark teaming up fast, because that's what we want. There's a lot of teaming up to do, so let's go.

Farnan's Theorum: The Meat

Giant thing defeated, Hulk crashes out of the sky (he's probably a messenger, or else Silver Surfer appears, but that seems a stretch and let's face it we'd all lose our minds). Back out in space, Thor's been left floating by the same attack that plummeted Hulk to earth, and is picked up by the Guardians of the Galaxy: "Who are you guys?" Teamuptwo: check.

Teamthanos is next, getting the Black Order lined up with maybe a little flashback as to why they're all important and what happened between him and his daughters. But the big question is surely whether Thanos has to collect all the infinity stones in one film. There's not enough time to get into this but if he has this film and the next Avengers film, that seems reasonable. Let's just say he gets all of them and heads towards earth.

Farnan's Theorum: The Denouement

All heroes are now assembled there. They get briefed and prepped. There's lots of quips. There's a plan. Let's all go to Wakanda. More quips. Thanos and the Black Rebel Motorcycle gang turn up and really let everyone have it. Tony Stark dies. The team are motivated, as always by death (see Agent Coulson in Avengers Assemble). They really could do with some motivational tapes or something.

Thanos cracks the shield thingy protecting Wakanda and the Avengers start losing but then we cut to Peter Parker who notices that Thanos is the same colour as the yogurt he was eating at the start of the film, which means yogurt is the last missing soul stone and by eating the yogurt, he possesses the soul stone and so gets to defeat Thanos and becomes the new keeper of the marvel franchise.

God, I hate Sudoku.

@KeithFarnan will be hosting the Irish Party Party, a monthly night of Irish and political comedians at London's Live Comedy Club, Leicester Square on the 19th April. Tickets here: londonslivecomedy.com