Cruise Control
It's one of the great self-deprecating show titles. Stewart Lee's 2008 special 41st Best Stand-Up Ever! refers back to one of those 'who's the greatest?' polls that were all over our TVs on mid-noughties bank holidays. In that rundown he did indeed just miss out on the top 40, beaten by Jim Davidson, among others, which must have stung - but then it spawned this whole show.
One particularly memorable bit is the retelling of an excruciating chat with his mum about a Tom O'Connor gig on a cruise ship, a gig including some ad-libbed audience interaction that blew Mrs Lee's mind. Why can't Stew be more like Tom, she wondered?
It would be quite a thing, seeing Lee do a cruise show: two hours of irascible repetition to an audience of absolutely baffled holidaymakers of a certain age. The problem then, of course, is that you have to see those same people for the rest of the trip. You'll be all set for an evening at the casino, but already stony-faced at the roulette wheel are the couple who sat arms-folded in your front row - best to head back to your cabin, load up an online equivalent like Bestcasino.com UK, and ride it out.
There is a certain stigma attached to doing cruise gigs - it's hardly cool and edgy - but get invited to perform on a good one and it certainly beats Downstairs at the Dog and Duck. Do one or two shows then the rest of the time you're enjoying an (in an ideal world) all-inclusive trip round some lovely locations, which would otherwise cost thousands. It's a great job for the right type of act - The Comedy Store Players are popular cruise performers, for example, their improv sketches perfect for a mixed audience: usually the punters pick what the comics get to work with, so they can go as topical, or nautical, as they like.
When the audience interactions are more traditional though - stand-ups making fun of people in the front row, for example - there's more risk of rubbing someone up the wrong way. Wealthy types don't always take kindly to people taking the mickey, particularly when they've spent a small fortune to be entertained. Do regular stand-up rules apply, when a gig on a cruise goes awry?
Say you're doing a show at sea, there are lots of affluent North Americans on board and you can't help making a gag about the interesting political situation over there (let's face it, all the US chat shows do) - it could potentially cause a bit of uproar. Does a shouty heckler still get thrown out of the show, if it's a cruise? Depends on the cruise, probably. If it's a really expensive one, the comic who caused the aggro probably gets escorted off at the next port, and never invited to embark on such a sweet gig ever again.
So that's a decent lesson for jobbing stand-ups. If you get an all-inclusive gig, try to keep your material all-inclusive too. Nobody wants to be thrown overboard, metaphorically or otherwise.