Count Arthur Strong interview

We thought we'd catch up with Count Arthur Strong to find out what his plans are for 2017...

Hi Arthur. Did you have a good Christmas? What did you get up to?

I had a lovely Christmas thank you. This year I had a goose for the first time, which was delightful. But you know Christmas isn't just about gooses... or geeses. It's about little Baby Judas lying in a manager and I think we should all just pause for a moment and think about that.

Have you made any New Year's resolutions?

No. I haven't. And no one keeps them anyway. And if they lose weight by the time they get to next Christmas they're fat again. I mean what is the point? I'm not fat anyway. Who are you calling fat?

We must admit when we told our friends we were interviewing the great Count Arthur Strong, they said 'who?'.

Well, I can only presume that there's something wrong with your 'friends'. I mean frankly, if my friends didn't know who I was, I would ask them to get out of my house. So... look for some new friends would be my advice.

You've spoken previously about your desire to play James Bond... It looks like Daniel Craig might be handing back his gun soon. Time for you to finally step up Arthur?

I can't say too much at the moment because things are at a very delicate stage with Chubby thing... the vegetable. His surname is a vegetable. You know it's... Oh... what is it? it's not garlic... It's green... You'll have had some. Oh anyway I can't remember what his sodding name is but... he tastes nice... It tastes nice! And I think my agent, Larry Trafalgar, has sent them a letter, telling them I am available. So watch this space!

How do you think you'd get on with using the gadgets? You don't strike us as being particularly techno-savvy?

I'm very techno-savvy, whatever that means. In fact, I was one of the first humans to use an electric tin opener in the Harehills Lane area of Leeds. I'm in the Guinness Book of Records for that. Well, for having pioneering surgery to reattach seven of my fingers actually. For which I received undisclosed damages from the tin opener people. I've never bought a tin of anything since. And I like luncheon meat. Imagine having to live with that?

Aside from Bond, if you could star in/present any TV or radio series which would it be, and why?

Well it would be a new documentary telly show that I had an idea for. Me and Barry Cryer drive round the country (he drives) and we visit all the pubs in England and have a few drinks (the telly people pay for everything) while we chat to the locals about... I don't know... history or something, it doesn't matter. And when we get hungry the telly people film that as well. And we stay in nice hotels. Premier Inns or something of that ilk. I'd definitely watch that.

It's been several years now since you met Michael, it was supposed to just be whilst he wrote his book... yet he is still hanging around with you? Is that annoying?

Well, I think the real reason he hangs around is that we're doing a television series of it and his attendance is required for that. You may have seen it? I don't know what you watch, but I'm told it's rather good. Yes, I might tune in myself to that, if there's nothing better on? There's some right rubbish on these days. What's happened to Countryfile?

Have you noticed that Michael seems to get nervous when he's talking to Sinem? Why is that?

You'd better ask him why he's twitchy. He used to be a bit like that round me. BROCCOLI! That's it. Cuddly Broccoli! He named himself after the broccoli vegetable! Good job it wasn't a sprout! Cuddly Sprout? Ridiculous.

What's next for you Arthur?

I'm only on flipping tour aren't I! From 22nd February all over the country! Book early to avoid me being disappointed.