Norman Wisdom

Peter Musgrove has spent the last 25 years living in the shadow of his famous author brother Max. As Max's career went from strength to strength publishing such comedy classics as, "Birdy, Birdy, Fly to me" and " Derek, the Punch Drunk Morrocan Hero", Peter appears to have wasted much of his time attempting to write more philosophical pieces which rarely, if ever get published.

Some of you may have read Peter's "Critique of the Zionist Ideal" which appeared in the Sunday Times in May 1993. However, due to gross misrepresentation by the then editor, Mr Daniel Cohen, he had to leave his semi-detatched home in Edgware, Middlesex and relocate into a bedsit in Finsbury Park.

Briefly employing the services of Bob and Mick's Personal Security Firm, to whom he still owe monies, Peter managed to avoid major assault from the far right organisation; "The Raging Rabbis" by cleverly disguising himself as a horse named "Dancing Patricia". Peter's 7th place in the 1996 Aintree Grand National is "A memory I will take with me to the grave". Further, Peter has never been allowed back into White Hart Lane to watch his beloved Tottenham Hotspur, branded wrongly he feels, as an anti-semite with a penchant for ageing ladies with facial hair and dodgy hearts.

Naively Peter thought he could make amends to the Jewish community by writing the now notorious piece "The Qur'an, The Simpsons and The Lorry-Load of Shekels ", which unfortunately appeared to outrage the Moslem community in North London. A local fatwa was decreed and once again he was on the run having unintentionally inflamed the passions of two strong religious communities.

Peter would like to use this opportunity to apologise to anyone he has inadvertently offended. "At no point was I suggesting that Sideshow Bob had more moral integrity than Mohammed and as far as I am concerned if Israel wants the Gaza strip that's good and dandy with me. If you can't see your way to total forgiveness could you at least cease hostilities for 24 hours so I could go back and collect my car and stereo from Highlands Road, Barnet," he said.

Peter now has to live at a secret location in Kent and is concentrating on writing Children's stories. He spend most of his time, when not writing , playing Backgammon and trying to guess the value of items on the Antiques Roadshow.

In a statement from Peter's publishers they say that his next book "Little Red Riding Hood and the Hairy-Arsed Priest" [due out in July] is not intended as an attack on the Catholic Church and any resemblance the lead character may have to Father Brendan Smyth is pure coincidence.

Peter joined the Bite the News team as special correspondent in May 2005