Ideal

Moz

Note: Some of these character guides contain spoilers

Moz is a small time drug dealer who has been dealing for a number of years from his small bedsit in Manchester, which he used to share with his girlfriend Nicki, but now shares with his new girlfriend Jenny. He deals only in the many varieties of marijuana and sees himself as 'providing a crucial service to the community'.

Moz doesn't even enjoy drug dealing very much. Whenever there's a knock at the door, it always seems to be the 'client' Moz least wants to see or speak to.

Moz rarely sets foot outside the front door of his flat and seems to have no concept of keeping himself or the flat clean and tidy. Ideally he'd like a quiet and worry free life, but always seems to end up getting tangled up in the problems and crime going on around him.

Nicki

Nicki was Moz's girlfriend. She and Moz had a love/hate relationship. After a while, Nicki couldn't stand living with Moz any more and so moved out.

Nicki returned to the flat at the start of Series Three to give birth. The baby caused her to suffer from sleep deprivation, and so she started having hallucinations.

At the start of the fourth series, Nicki once again began to see PC behind Moz's back... and it was this that made her and Moz realise they should probably break up for good.

PC

PC is Moz's mate... and also his chief supplier. PC works as a Police Constable and so can give Moz the hash he busts from other dealers. PC is a good contact for Moz because he can tip him off as to what the latest police activity is - this was certainly helpful to the dealer when CID planned to raid the flat.

A complete coward, PC does everything he can to avoid arresting people (e.g. for example, he still overlooks the fact that Stemroach's gang stabbed him). PC also dodges the offers of promotion he's received as he doesn't want any more responsibility. How he's managed to remain a police officer, let alone get offered a promotion, is a bit of a mystery though because he spends a lot of the time he should be on duty smoking with Moz.

It is revealed in Series Four that PC's real name is Phil Collins. He hates his name though and so that is why everyone just calls him by his initials (which are handily also his job title).

Jenny

Jenny is the child minder and young mother from hell! She used to look after a number of children and regularly brought them along with her when she visited the flat to score from Moz. Things have changed now though - Jenny is living in the flat as Moz's new girlfriend.

Probably the number one chav in Manchester, Jenny is also easily the thickest resident of the city - dopey does not begin to describe how dumb she is!

Jenny seems to live in her own little dream world and has zero sense of responsibility, as was demonstrated when she used to frequently forget the names of the kids she was looking after... and sometimes even forgot them altogether!

Jenny had a baby during the second series - the poor thing was constantly being dumped into other people's hands. We haven't seen the baby for a while now - apparently Jenny's mum is looking after it.

At the end of Series Four, Jenny was accidently shot... and so she begins Series Five in a coma. In Series 6 she becomes the face of a mobile phone advertising campaign and, with her life on the up, ditches Moz.

Colin

Colin is a bouncy, childlike scally. He is constantly 'out on probation', as he reminds people every five minutes. Considering he is meant to be keeping out of trouble, it doesn't stop him being one of Moz's most regular customers.

Colin always seems to be trying to flog stolen goods to Moz, and even if he does manage to sell him sometime, he'll still manage to leave with more under his coat than he came in with.

In Series Three Colin started dating Carmel, a call girl. She had amnesia at the time, which made it easy for him to convince her they were boyfriend and girlfriend before her bang to the head. However, unfathomably, they're somehow still going out... this is despite Colin having a very ill-advised threesome with Moz and Jenny!

Brian

Brian is camper than a row of pink tents. Every time he comes around Moz's flat, he has a different boyfriend in tow. He often talks to Moz about his bedroom antics, something the dealer would definitely rather not hear.

As the first series progressed Brian's boyfriends became more and more feminine. The last one was actually a butch female! Later in Series Three, Brian finally fell in love and stopped swapping partners every ten minutes. The trouble was, he became heart broken when his boyfriend had the cheek to dump him! He was so used to doing the dumping himself, he didn't know what to do!

Brian is one of Moz's oldest friends. In the Series Four flashback episode we discover he used to be straight. Back in the 90s he had long-hair and was dating some seriously hot women.

Psycho Paul

Psycho Paul didn't get his nickname for nothing - he is a mean, un-predictable, nasty nutter.

Moz first comes across Paul when he is operating as a rival dealer in the neighbourhood. When it became clear to Paul that a stash Moz was storing came from his flat (PC had got it via a raid), we got to see first hand that Paul was not a very nice chap!

Paul soon quit being a dealer though to move into the shadier and more lucrative worlds of kidnapping, porn and general gangster activities. Moz doesn't want to get involved in his plans but it isn't really possible to refuse Psycho Paul without causing offence and risking life and limb!

Cartoon Head

Cartoon Head doesn't value life at all... which is actually quite a good attribute for him, as he is a hitman by trade.

Cartoon Head always wears as mask - we never see his face. It transpires that it was Stemroach who is responsible him being that way - we still we don't quite know exactly what happened, but we do know that Cartoon Head can't get the mask off now - that is his face!

It isn't until the end of the first series that Moz realises that Cartoon Head, who is one of his most loyal customers, is actually the man behind the horrid 'Hand-Job Murders'. When the hitman turns up at Moz's flat high on strong drugs things go terribly wrong; he mis-interprets what Moz says and shoots annoying Craig dead. This understandably causes Moz all kinds of problems!

Following a battle that raged throughout Series Four, Cartoon Head took charge of the Triad. He also has a girlfriend in the form of Judith - but there are signs that relationship might not last much longer.

Judith (Series 2-7)

Judith moves in across the hall from Moz as his shy and very nervy new neighbour at the start of Series Two. She soon becomes the dealer's potential love interest too.

Timid Judith wants to fit in and be normal, but it soon becomes clear that she has various interests and hobbies that border on the socially unacceptable. Moz first starts to get worried when Judith begins working at an undertakers and is seen dragging body-shaped sacks into her flat, but he soon has an even more pressing concern - Judith clearly has a major infatuation with him. She makes a large clay model of Moz and starts to alter her appearance to look more like Nicki in a blatant attempt to try and steal Moz from her.

After an unfortunate accident, she ended Series Three with a wasp mask stuck to her head. As it happens this attracted Cartoon Head and, for a while, they made the ideal plastic-faced couple. However, when Judith got her mask removed by the doctor, Cartoon Head started to lose interest in her... but this was after she had become pregnant with CH's baby. She recently has had a secret affair with Marco.

Steve (Series 1-6)

Steve turns up at the start of Series 2. He comes around Moz's flat looking for his missing brother Craig but soon ends up part of Stemroach's gang. Little does he know that it was fellow gang member Cartoon Head who shot his brother dead!

Steve is exploited by the rest of the gang - he always gets the bad jobs and is often physically abused. The rest of the gang find him very annoying but, for some reason, put up with him. It's probably because he does all the dirty work for them.

Towards the end of Series 3, Steve takes control of the gang after a short manic outburst which has both Psycho Paul and Cartoon Head un-characteristically terrified. But, when Steve admits that he doesn't actually have violence in him, his fellow gang members make him pay a very heavy price - they take one of his eyeballs!

Steve is killed in Series 6 by an accident with a gun.

China (Series 1-3)

China, along with her friend Asia, were two of Moz's regular clients for a while. They never seemed to have enough money to pay their way though. However Moz clearly had a soft spot for them and so let them get away without paying.

After a while though China started visiting with different boyfriends in tow (including Psycho Paul for a period) so Moz stopped giving her free drugs. This didn't seem to bother China though - she had plenty of other men queuing up to pay for whatever she wanted!

Troy

Troy is Moz's brother. When he came to stay at Moz's flat he proved hard to budge. He even ran a rubbish pirate radio station from the airing cupboard for a while - but the dodgy wiring caused a few problems and 'Troy FM' went up with a bang.

Troy is very touchy about the topic of his wife and becomes quite upset when people mention his relationship. It would appear that his wife beats him up - last time he went to see her he came back with bruises.

Although Moz outwardly appears to hate his brother, there must actually be a deep connection between them. You see, it was Troy who accidently shot Stemroach in 1993 and caused him to lose his voice - if it wasn't for Moz stepping in front of the gun Stemroach was aiming at Troy, Troy would have been killed there and then.

Yasuko

Yasuko suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD); she always has a packet of Wet Wipes on hand to clean everything and anything.

Yet, despite her squeaky clean image, Yasuko has a wild past and during the series it is revealed that she has taken part in a threesome with Nicki whilst backpacking in Thailand!

Yasuko is now happily married to dull Derrick and enjoys spending time down on the allotment with him.

Jason

Jason is in a boyband (latest name 'Silicone Valets') with his friend Lee. They used the severed hand Moz found for the front cover of their first album.

When Lee went missing, Jason had to try and do everything in the band himself - something that's clearly wasn't going to work. He's glad to have Lee back, but is clearly a bit uncomfortable about his friend's new persona.

Lee

Things go horribly wrong for singer Lee in the third series. After crossing paths with Alan the builder, Lee ends up being sealed inside a hot water tank.

When the flat's boiler is changed, Lee is finally released... however it soon becomes apparent he is now a very different person. He is quiet and serene - and actually quite creepy now, if truth be told!

When Christian builders Alan and Marco see Lee out of the boiler, they think he has come back from the dead and so start following him as his disciples. This suits Lee just fine, because he thinks he is the new Jesus!

Craig (Series 1)

The weird and annoying loner Craig wasn't originally one of Moz's regular clients, but when someone recommended Moz as a good dealer to him, he kept pestering Moz to let him visit the flat. At one point he even threw a tin of dressed crab through Moz's window to try and get his attention!

Moz was eventually worn down and agreed to sell Craig some hash. At this point they actually quickly became friends - but just as things were going well, a drugged up Cartoon Head blew Craig's brains out with a pistol!

Kuldip (Series 1-3)

Kuldip has a regular slot as a DJ at the local club. He was always boasting to Moz about the number of white labels records he had in his record box.

Kuldip was very much in the background until he slept with Nikki at the flat party... suddenly he found himself as the father of baby Sanjeev! However, he has now disappeared from the scene.

Sangita (Series 1-4)

Sangita, who suffers from MS, was one of Moz's regular customers for a period. She is a good friend of Nicki's... in fact, they actually had a brief relationship together!

When Moz first met Sangita he couldn't stop accidentally putting his foot in it in regards to her health. However, following her 'affair' with Nikki, he started reminding Sangita she was going to die whenever he could.

Derrick

Derrick is another regular customer... but Moz wishes he wasn't. He is obsessed with vegetables and is so, so, so boring!

Although now quite scruffy and covered in dirt, Derrick once used to be a suited and booted business man. However when his uncle died and left him an allotment, Derrick found his passion for gardening and became the laid back man he is now.

Felix (Series 1-4)

Felix is the teenager who Jenny was technically babysitting in the early series... despite the fact he was almost as old as her. In fact it soon became apparent that they were actually having a baby together! Childish Felix was somewhat overwhelmed by fatherhood when the baby did arrive and so is no longer seen around.

Stemroach (Series 2-4)

Stemroach was a sinister gangland boss who employed Cartoon Head and Psycho Paul as his henchmen. He was vicious and ruthless.

Due to a lack of vocal chords, Stemroach talked through a hand-held throat speaker. It was revealed in Series Four that it was partly Moz's fault that Stemroach could no longer talk without the aid of a machine. Stemroach was never slow to remind Moz that he was in his debt, and thus the flat was often used for gang activity.

In the final episode of Series Four, Stemroach was killed by Steve.

Carmel (Series 2-7)

Carmel is a Spanish escort girl who was caught up in Stemroach's kidnapping plot. She lost her memory in the process and so Colin managed to convince her that she was his girlfriend. This ruse still seems to be working for Colin!

Alan (Series 3-5)

Alan was the foreman overseeing the building work at Moz's flat. He was very hard line born again Christian, something that caused Moz to try and keep up a pretence of being a devout Christian so that Alan and his assistant Marco didn't figure out what he really did for a living.

Alan started out as a permanently cheerful man... however after he was horrifically stung by a wasps nest (Moz's fault), and then discovered what really goes on in the flat, he turned into a completely different man. After nearly murdering Lee (he sealed him in the flat's water tank), Alan went on a rampage, attempting to kill both Moz and Brian in the process.

In the fourth series Alan isn't seen much - but he did start following Lee around for a bit, believing that he was 'the saviour'. Alan ended the series hung up on Fist's wall... in Series Five he attempted to escape from the evil priest, but ended up dead.

Tania (Series 2-7)

Tania is baby Sanjeev's Health Visitor. This does not please Nicki as Tania is Moz's fun and flirty ex-girlfriend. It isn't long before Tania is trying to seduce Moz.

Tania will steal anything that's not nailed down - as a result, a lot of Moz's flat contents ends up on eBay after each of her visits.

Tania, who is Colin's sister, is now dating Psycho Paul. They make a lovely, but quite scary couple. It appears the couple often have a competition to see who can draw out their words the longest - both have strong mancunian accents.

Keith (Series 4-7)

Absent for 12 years, Moz's long lost dad Keith bowls right back into his life in Series Four in the hope of offloading some dodgy widescreen TVs.

Keith is as dodgy as they come - as is evidenced by the fact he almost soiled himself when he spotted PC in his cop uniform.

Keith is a compulsive liar, although to be fair to him, he did eventually keep his promise of delivering a widescreen TV that his son had paid him for.

In Series 5, Keith moved into the flat opposite Moz with his new girlfriend, a blind woman called Carol. He has told Carol he is in his thirties!

Tony (Series 4-7)

Low Triad member Tony, and his fellow gang-member Chen, visit Moz at the start of Series Four to try and persuade him to spy on Psycho Paul's gang.

War between the Triad and Paul's gang soon breaks out and Moz is in the middle of it. At first, the Triad easily have the upper-hand and continually intimidate those in the flat. However, when Yasuko reveals some hidden self-defence skills, the tables turn.

In Series 6 Tony and Chen hold Keith and Carol hostage.

Chen (Series 4-6)

Chen has a very good way of persuading people to do what he wants and ensure they don't forget his message - he stabs them! Moz finds this out the hard way in the first episode of the fourth series.

However, whilst Chen and his gang-partner Tony spend most of the series winning the gang-land war, they end the series tied up as hostages in Moz's bathroom. As a result, they are now reduced to being Cartoon Head's henchman.

Marco (Series 3-5 & 7)

Marco is Alan's assistant builder. He speaks in a very high voice and is quite nervous around other people. There's something pretty strange about Marco actually.

When Alan disappears, Marco becomes head builder and his brother Jake becomes the deputy. Marco and Jake aren't the best builders by a long-shot, they're often breaking things and, what they do manage to fit something to the wall, it soon falls off or breaks. Moz quickly learns not to give them biscuits, as that delays work still further!

In Series 5 Marco sleeps with Judith - a very dangerous move considering her boyfriend is Cartoon Head the professional hitman!

Rainbow (Series 3-7)

Rainbow is a local paramedic. She visits Moz from time to time to score some weed to try and calm her nerves and relax. She is always shouting at her boyfriend via her hands-free phone.

She seems to have a habit of dating un-suitable men, and looks to take over from Tania as Psycho Paul's girlfriend.

Miko (Series 3-7)

Miko is a friend of Yasuko. She ends up in Fist's flat, but doesn't really seem that bothered about living with a mad man.

Kim (Series 3-7)

Kim and Miko are always seen together. They live with Fist and happily do household chores for him. The pair can often be seen giggling in the corner of his flat.

Xavier (Series 4-7)

Xavier joins Psycho Paul's gang in Series Four. Although he looks quite gangster, he is actually very soft and would never hurt a fly. He is obsessed with one of Moz's chairs and almost treats it, and talks about it, as if it were his girlfriend.

Carol (Series 5-7)

Brummie Carol is blind. As a result, Keith has managed to convince her he is a good looking young man and get her to move in with him, opposite Moz's flat.

Carol accidently killed Alan with a knife and it is left to Keith to get rid of the body.

She takes everything in her stride - even getting kidnapped by the Triad doesn't seem to really bother her.

Tilly (Series 6-7)

American girl Tilly is the latest tenant in the block in which Moz lives. She is beautiful, witty, artistic and runs her own small designer clothes shop: Trash Wednesday.

Moz clearly fancies her, which is weird because she is very cultured, super pretentious and holds modern art in far too high a regard.